The Lies I Tell Myself vs. The Runway of Truth

I can’t move one foot in front of the other for 26.2 miles On my first attempt, my feet glided through 5 miles, Until a snow-covered road brought that to an end. My ankle twisted, sprained for weeks. It never felt the same. I was afraid. My feet couldn’t hit the pavement for years after that. I dismissed the goal, Lived my busy life, And eight years slipped away.

I reached my best post-childhood weight, And felt like I could finally run that marathon. I started too quick, thinking my body could handle it. But less weight means nothing when moving from stationary to mobile. The knee pain was unbearable; Every movement felt like a strain. My legs felt crushed, as if a building had fallen on them. What in my right mind made me think I could achieve this?

Now, a few years later, I weigh the most I ever have. I’ve barely been active; I sit all day. I worry about the blood flow through my body. What if my knees start to creak and crack? What if I can’t move? What if I fail?

My mind shifts.

What if I succeed? I’ve got one week under my belt. I made it. History tells me, "No, you cannot. You failed twice." The thoughts invade my mind like proof, But my feet are squashing that history and those negative thoughts. I am being led toward success. I will reach my finish line— Literally, one step at a time.

— SEM

Why Now?

I have wanted to complete a marathon since 2016. I never liked running before that, but some coworkers were really into it and talked about it constantly. I decided to give it a try, started a "Couch to 5K" program, and found I actually enjoyed it. I eventually got up to five miles, and I was so proud.

I was the type of girl who walked the mile in gym class. I was skinny and active—rollerblading, ice skating, biking—but I hated running. Then, one night during a five-mile run, snow covered the road. I slipped and sprained my ankle. It hurt for weeks, and since my job kept me on my feet, I just quit running altogether.

In 2022, after deciding to get a divorce and quitting a draining job, I tried again. But I went from being stationary to trying to run a mile a day without even checking if my sneakers were good. My knees ached so badly I quit again.

The Mental Shift

I’ve gained about 50 pounds since that last attempt. I was focused on my life mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, but I wasn't thinking about the physical side. So, why should it work this time? Why would I be successful when I am in the "worst" shape of my life?

Because this time, my head is in the right place. I know I can do anything I put my heart and soul into. Running is like an active meditation for me. It keeps me grounded and present, just like my crocheting and journaling.

I’m nervous about the 26.2 miles. It’s scary to stick with something that is actually good for me after years of keeping people and habits close that weren't. But I’m done with excuses. My kids are older now; I have the time. I just have to take it one step at a time.

The Stats (No Scales Allowed)

I am 5’9” and somewhere over 200 pounds. I don’t own a scale and I never will again—I don’t care about the numbers. I know I fit into a size 16 or an XL. During this journey, I’m sure I’ll lose weight, but that isn't the goal. The goal is to be healthy, do what I love, and finally accomplish the goal I set ten years ago.

The countdown begins: 33 weeks out. October 4th is the day!

Weekly Diary: Feb 15, 2026 – Feb 21, 2026

• Sunday: Tried going to bed earlier to get my runs done early.

• Monday: I could have walked, but I didn't. I was tired from poor sleep. I focused on drinking water and eating healthier instead.

• Tuesday: Started my walk/run. 20 minutes total: 4 minutes walking / 1 minute jogging. I was out of breath after the jogs, and by the third one, I wanted to quit—but I kept going. Total: 1.2 miles.

• Wednesday: Strength training day. I did glute bridges (not gluten bridges!), calf raises, and wall sits. According to an AI search, these help strengthen the core and glutes to reduce knee impact.

• Thursday: It was icy, so I hit the gym. I prefer outside, but the treadmill kept me consistent. 20 minutes (4 walk/1 jog). My calves started to burn, but the cool-down helped. Total: 1.37 miles.

• Friday: Walked midday to break up my long hours of sitting. No soreness!

• Saturday: Ran outside in a mix of rain and snow. I was cautious because of the ice, but I finished safely. I was surprised by my speed—I finished feeling proud. Total: 1.4 miles.

I’m still working on my nutrition, but I’ve cut way back on soda and I’m drinking mostly water. I’ve also ordered new sneakers to replace my old ones from 2023. The break-in begins Sunday!

I hope you’ll join me on this journey, even if you never plan on running. This is my way of showing myself love. Let’s do this!

This is Love