Understanding the Shadow

In my younger years, I was someone who ghosted. Looking back, I realize I simply didn't want to deal with a man’s feelings. If I didn’t feel the same way, I just wanted to be done. It sounds harsh, but as a teenager, I didn’t think about how hurtful that was to the other person.

I was independent and loved my alone time, and ghosting was my way of exiting. I didn't want to be "attached." I wanted to be myself. Eventually, a man confronted me about it, and I was forced to actually tell him the truth: I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore.

What’s interesting is that I wasn't afraid of confrontation—I would tell some guys straight out—but with others, I would just vanish.

Running from the "Perfect" Connection

There was one connection that was different. It was strong. Overwhelming. Honestly, I didn't feel like I could handle it. I didn’t believe I deserved a love like that. I felt too young to hold his feelings or even my own. Because I didn’t feel "good enough," I rejected it. I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving me first, even though he knew everything about me and still wanted to be with me.

I ran from that connection, and for a long time, I had regrets. But the beauty of regret is that you are always given a chance to release it. Years later, I thought about trying again, but I realized that the connection was perfect exactly as it was—in the past. He helped me figure out the type of man who would actually be good for me.

Flipping the Script: Being the One Rejected

I had never been ghosted myself until after my divorce. It was a weird experience! I’ve been rejected before, but I don’t view rejection as a "bad" thing anymore. I have compassion for it now because I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed or like a connection is "too much."

When a man rejects me now, my first reaction might be sadness, but then I look at the situation and realize it isn't a "me" problem. It’s usually about what’s going on with him. So, I do what I’ve done most of my life: I work on myself. I don’t hold grudges; carrying that energy is a disservice to my own peace.

Sometimes, people act as a mirror, showing you parts of yourself you want to hide—but they can show you the good parts, too. When I was younger and in that strong connection, he was reflecting the good parts of me that I didn't yet feel about myself. I didn’t know that at the time. That’s why his love felt so familiar, yet so hard to understand. I told myself I wasn't ready, but the truth is, we are always ready for love. Our past is just what gets in the way. We keep going through the same cycles until we understand that things can be different and that we deserve it.

Rejection in Creativity

The place where rejection really hurts for me isn't in romance—it’s in my work. When I put a lot of effort into something and nothing happens, I feel that sting. I expect that if I "do the thing," I’ll be successful immediately. But it doesn't always work like that.

For example, I was terrified to share this blog. I started on TikTok in November and wasn’t getting many views. I felt discouraged. I felt rejected. I started thinking, "No one wants to read about my life." I had to talk about this in an Al-Anon meeting just to release the feeling.

But I didn't give up. I decided to share the 3-part series about my relationship with my mom on Facebook and Instagram. Suddenly, I saw traffic coming in from all over—even from different countries! I realized that the only way to get rid of the fear of rejection is to go right through it.

The Reward of Being Brave

Releasing that fear has opened so many doors. In February, I felt rejected; by April, I feel more confident than ever. I’ve realized I am a creative person. I am writing, I am crocheting, and I have so many ideas to share.

If you know me in real life and think I’m confident and brave, it’s because I earned it. It isn't ego; it’s self-love. I’ve learned to pause, sit with the hard stuff, and love myself unconditionally. The more I love myself, the easier life gets.

If you are terrified to do something, start there. That is where the growth is. Ask yourself: "Are you rejecting this person or opportunity because you don't like it, or because you're afraid it might actually work?"

I share this journey because I want to help others find that same freedom. Helping you love yourself is something I will always give for free.

I love you.

This is Love