The Freedom of Unconditional Love

I was thinking about love the other day. Specifically, I was reflecting on how I have loved people who simply didn’t have the capacity to receive it at the time.

I don’t ever regret giving love to anyone. I truly believe we all need it and deserve it, even when our behaviors, actions, reactions, and habits prevent us from feeling worthy of it. Remembering this made me realize that it doesn’t matter if someone else can "handle" me or not. I am going to continue to love and give to people because that is exactly who I am.

Of course, I have my own things to work through, too. But while giving has always come naturally to me, receiving love has been a lifelong journey. I started to pay closer attention to it in my 30s, but over the past couple of years, I have truly let myself feel and accept what people try to give back to me. Because of that, I feel more loved right now than I ever have in my entire life—and in turn, I am able to give even more.

No Love is Ever Wasted

Sometimes I see people write or talk about "wasted love." But the truth is, no love is ever wasted. Even if someone cannot receive it or understand it in real-time, that energy still has an impact.

I watch people change when I pour into them, and it is actually my favorite thing in the world to observe. I get to see this beautiful growth all the time with my kids, but it is equally amazing to watch others grow, learn to love themselves, gain confidence, and find real happiness.

I choose to offer unconditional love to people, even to strangers. It doesn’t matter to me what you did in your past or who you did it with; all I have to go by is the present moment and what you show me right now.

Now, how I go about loving someone—and how much access they get to me—depends entirely on the individual. I treat people differently because everyone is different. I don’t listen to the outside noise or gossip about other people; I always make up my own mind. A person's actions will determine how much time I spend with them. If someone is not good for my well-being, I will remove myself, or perhaps they will leave on their own. I know that when I allow too many people around me who aren't good for my peace, I am not at my best.

Understanding the "Noise"

People sometimes wonder how I can stay this way, even when people treat me poorly. It’s simple: it is because I have acted poorly in my past, too, and I have forgiven myself for it. I used to react to current situations through the lens of old, unhealed experiences. That is all other people are doing, too. You can change your environment or the people around you, but you will keep living the same painful cycles over and over until you consciously choose differently.

I choose to love regardless of what people think of me. I don’t care about the judgment. I will keep pouring love into the world, even if some people can’t handle it, because real change only happens when love is present. I want the world to be a more loving place, so I am pouring it into everyone I meet.

But let’s be clear: unconditional love doesn’t mean I am just "nice" and give you everything you want. It means I offer you what you need, and you get to decide what you do with it. From there, I decide if I want to keep investing my energy. I never regret loving someone. It is hands-down the best thing I have ever experienced in my life—both romantically and platonically.

Protecting My Energy

If I listened to other people’s opinions, I wouldn’t be myself, and I wouldn’t be capable of loving this deeply. I might be a conditional lover instead, which is something I have never been.

When I walk away from people, or when they walk away from me, it doesn't mean I stop holding love for them. It simply means that being in their energy was no longer good for me. I have to protect myself. Sometimes I am still learning how to do that perfectly, but those are my own lessons to learn.

Sometimes, removing myself is exactly what the other person needs to finally see and appreciate what I was giving them. I know that has been true for me in the past—receiving love from people who are no longer in my life has helped me heal and grow.

I have heard all kinds of things about myself over the years, both good and bad, said behind my back. And honestly? I still don't care. If it isn't said to my face, it isn't my business. And on the rare occasion that someone does say something negative to my face, I look inward. I check to see if there is any truth to it, and if I need to adjust something to be better for myself and others. But I don’t cater to people’s trauma, and I don't intend to add to it. Dropping the worry about how people perceive me has given me absolute freedom. I get to speak my mind and just be who I am.

Mirroring the Light

Sometimes people project their own stuff onto me because I am reflecting what is inside them. But I don’t just reflect the hard things—I reflect the good, too. If you feel an abundance of love coming from me, it is because there is an abundance of love inside you. If you feel like you aren't receiving it, it doesn’t mean the love isn’t there; it just means you might not understand how I am giving it, or your own capacity to love is buried deep under old baggage. It’s still there. You just have to release the weight to find it.

We all meet exactly who we are supposed to meet. People are naturally drawn to my energy, not even in a romantic or sexual way, but simply because they feel safe. I have complete strangers tell me their entire life stories. People I’m with will ask, "Do you know them?" and I’ll say, "No, but I listen." I engage because listening is an act of love.

I have spent my entire adult life working on myself, but over the last few years, I shifted from doing it logically to doing it spiritually. That is when I took leaps and bounds. Essentially, I became the exact person I needed when I was a child. I needed someone who loved me exactly as I was, who would listen without trying to "fix" me, and who would let me share my feelings and cry in their arms safely. Someone I could have fun and experience beautiful things with. I did those things for my kids, I do them for others, and most importantly, I do them for myself.

A Note to Fellow Continuous Lovers

If you love unconditionally, please don’t give up just because you’ve interacted with some hurt or difficult people. Learn the lessons so you can adjust your inner circle or limit your time with those who drain you. But whatever you do, keep loving the world. Love is the only thing that truly dissolves hate. Keep spreading it.

I love you.

This is love