My Yellow Brick Road

On January 1, 2023, I moved out of the house I shared with my ex-husband. I chose to leave because I simply didn't want to live in that house anymore; I was completely done with that chapter of my life. Around the time I was deciding what to do, I read an insightful quote that changed the way I looked at everything. It wasn't my own words, but it said something like: “You can’t get better in the place that made you sick.”

That perspective stuck with me. Just a few months earlier, in 2022, I had also quit my job after 21 years. When I chose myself by walking away from both my marriage and my career, I had no idea what I was truly in for. But by doing that alone, I cleared away so many distractions.

In 2023, I was trying to figure out what to do next with my life. I knew deep down I couldn't go back to a traditional W-2 job. I started driving for delivery services right after quitting; I deeply needed the flexibility and the alone time to process everything. During this transition, I was also going to therapy and attending Al-Anon meetings. I eventually wrapped up therapy in September of 2023, feeling like I had gotten exactly what I needed from the experience, though Al-Anon has continued to be a beautiful source of support for me.

The Call of the Open Road

In the summer of 2023, I got a distinct gut feeling that I should travel to a different state. I didn't know where at first, but then I started seeing "Texas" absolutely everywhere.

Why would I go there? I wondered. I didn't have any family or connections there—which, looking back, was probably the whole point. No distractions. Plus, I love warm weather and absolutely hate the winter. (I do enjoy a few winter activities, but only on a short visit!)

I narrowed my choices down to Austin and Dallas, but I still had to wrap my head around actually leaving. I have kids, and back in 2023, they were 13, 16, and 18. I wasn't too worried about my oldest, but for my younger two, the guilt crept in. Why would I do this? It felt like I would be abandoning them, yet the intense desire to travel there wouldn't leave me alone.

In February 2024, during my kids' winter school break, I finally went for a week. I drove the entire way by myself—27 hours one-way. Halfway through the drive, fear hit me so hard that I wanted to turn around and go right back home. I was terrified to travel that far alone. But I caught myself and said, “No, I am doing this.” And I did. I wasn't doing it to be reckless; I was doing it to learn who I was.

My very first morning in Texas, I was driving around and asked out loud, “Okay, why am I here?” Right then, I passed a massive billboard that read: YOU BELONG HERE. If I ever needed a sign, there it was. I loved it so much I didn't even want to leave when the week was up.

Learning to Grow Apart so We Could Grow Together

After returning home and spending quality time with my kids, I decided to go back to Austin for the entire month of April. Leaving my youngest this time was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life; we both cried. But before I loaded up the car, I sat down with each of my kids individually.

I told them: “This is a good time for me to grow, and it’s a good time for you to grow, too. This isn't a bad experience.” I made sure they knew deep in their hearts that I wasn’t abandoning them. Sometimes, I explained, I need to remove myself to grow, and sometimes people need space from me so they can discover who they are.

And guess what? When I came back after that month away, I saw massive growth in all three of my children. I even had people in our community tell me how much growth they noticed in my youngest.

Before I ever started traveling, I worked hard to maintain a great relationship with my kids. I am definitely not perfect, but I always make sure they are heard, seen, and listened to. They feel safe and comfortable within themselves, and the way I teach them that is simply by leading by example. They see me actively loving myself. Kids are not dumb; mine are actually incredibly deep thinkers. I don't sugarcoat the world for them, but I share things in an age-appropriate way so they can understand my actions and how I think. Because I don't try to control them—only guide them while reminding them that they are responsible for their own choices—they end up teaching me so much in return.

I went back to Texas for another three months later that year, staying from September to December. I absolutely loved it. I eventually came back home to figure out my next logistical steps, needing to be around the comfort of my family and friends to sort it all out.

The True Meaning of Self-Love

Looking back at that year, my entire perspective has shifted. For a long time, I couldn't understand why a dedicated mother would ever leave her kids, even temporarily. It was a massive hurdle for me to move past because I had always been the mom who was consistently there. My own parents were never really there for me growing up, so I made it my mission to be at every single school event and sports game.

My trips to Texas were never about being selfish. I know some people won't understand it, and that’s okay. If you have the capacity for it, you will get it; if you don't, you might view what I did as wrong. I don't do things to please the crowd. My responsibility is to my own soul first, because that is exactly what allows me to be a better mother.

People so often mistake self-love for selfishness, but they couldn't be more wrong.

What is truly selfish is manipulating people into doing what you want. Selfishness is doing whatever you want at the direct expense of others because you don't care about anyone—including yourself. True self-love feels clean. It allows you to wake up and genuinely say, "I love myself."

I am not perfect, but by choosing myself, my mental and emotional states have improved dramatically. I am leading a life I am proud of, I feel completely fulfilled, and I am able to spread so much more genuine love into the world because my own cup is finally full.

Finding a New Path

Texas was the catalyst that started me down this beautiful path of self-discovery, awareness, and healing my past. I finally learned why I used to react the way I did in certain situations. I also realized that the way I love is unconditional—I just never knew the exact words for it before.

When I first started this path in 2022 and gave myself grace to explore in 2023, driving for delivery apps was always meant to be a stepping stone while I researched where to invest my career next. I am so grateful for that flexibility, because it allowed me to earn money seamlessly wherever I went. (When I originally researched if I could deliver out-of-state, internet forums gave me conflicting answers. But because I had successfully tested working a day in Brooklyn and Queens to help my son out with college, I trusted my gut, went to Texas anyway, and thank God, it worked!)

My creative world expanded in April 2024, too. A friend on TikTok was hosting a live stream where people were sharing poetry. I loved listening every week, but I never thought I could actually write it myself. Eventually, I took the leap and found a massive passion for it. Now, I even have a published book available on Amazon (you can find the link right on the homepage of this website!).

In August 2024, I committed to a daily meditation practice that I still maintain to this day. Through that stillness, I started receiving random flashes of inspiration, and I began consciously changing my old habits and behaviors. I let go of everything that didn't feel aligned with my truth. It was a difficult road that required me to ask for help—something I always used to hate doing. Whenever things got incredibly heavy, the phrase "just keep swimming" would echo in my mind.

Recently, I’ve felt a major shift. It feels like this particular yellow brick road has successfully come to an end, and I am standing at the starting line of a brand-new one. I have gained the awareness I need to move forward. I took the deep dive into my soul, and now it is simply time to enjoy my life, have fun, fully love who I am, and pour that love back out into the world.

I never tell people to copy exactly what I do. Instead, I encourage everyone to really sit quietly and feel what it is they truly need for themselves. But I got to this beautiful place by listening to the vulnerable stories of others, and that is why I share mine. Others helped light my path, and I am so honored to pay it forward.

I love you

This is love