A Smile Saves the Day

I was walking into the mall. A young lady was ahead of me. I wasn’t close enough for her to be holding the door open for me. I was still maybe 10 feet away. I wouldn't expect someone to stand there and hold the door open.

We made eye contact as she looked back to see if anyone was behind her. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. She let the door close and waited. When I got closer, she opened the door for me. I said, "Thank you," and she said, "You're welcome." I told her to have a great day, and she said, "You too."

This was a simple interaction, and it made my day. Hopefully, it made hers as well. This is love. We didn't know each other and had a great exchange in a few minutes with a smile. We don’t have to know people to give them love.

Love is something to be given freely. We should feel safe to love. We should be able to put into this world what we want to see.

Love is what I want to see in the world, so I give it. There is more to it than that. You also have to be able to receive it, which was a huge challenge for me for many years. All the love you give comes back to you. It may not be the same way you give it or with the same person. It is how it can work sometimes. It is easy to get fixated on that and miss all the love that is coming your way because you want it from a person or people, and they are not giving you what you want and/or need. Everyone is not capable of loving the way you do or receiving love. If someone is not good at receiving love, then they sabotage connections. I have learned from experience. I have done it and have had it done to me.

Maybe you can relate. I sucked at receiving love. I didn’t know how to handle it or what to do with it. I was never taught. I was taught to give, give, give. I was not warned that people would want to give back to me. Some of my young life, I didn’t think I deserved it. Then when I felt I did, I still couldn’t find the way to accept it.

I grew up knowing what conditional love felt like. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t have the tools to figure it out. I knew deep down love is supposed to be unconditional. Because of that, I could give it so easily. It is like breathing to me; I don’t think about breathing, I am just doing it. Love is the same way. It comes naturally to me, and it does to everyone that lets it happen.

When I was a child, I got taken advantage of a lot. I did what I was told, and it cost me my emotional and mental well-being. I was raised by two emotionally unavailable parents. That is a very difficult environment for a sensitive child to be raised in. I shut my feelings down and bottled them up for years. I still managed to give to people, and so did my parents. I believe they were kind and sensitive people as well. They didn’t know how to break free like I did. I don’t know how it happened, but I found out I was emotionally intelligent, based on what I was told by a therapist. I felt feelings alone because it was safe to. It is hard to become emotionally available if you don’t share with other people. I did not until a few years ago.

When people tried to love me, I always felt like they wanted something from me. I couldn't tell the difference when I was young if people loved me or if they acted like they did to get something from me. Both could still mean they love me, but the latter I don’t need to deal with. People will project the things they have not dealt with themselves. That is what happens. When you don’t fix your own problems, they spill into all your relationships, I have found after much reflection of my own life.

If you are in the same boat I was in, I am going to share some things that have helped me. There are still moments where I realize, "Darn, I wasn’t good at receiving love." It is a process, and don’t beat yourself up about it. Acknowledging your own behavior is how you can change and get more in the flow with giving and receiving love.

First, I had to make sure I was loving myself.

• Am I giving myself what I need?

• Do I know what I need?

• Do I rest when I feel run down?

• What do I do for myself when I am stressed or overwhelmed?

• Do I have hobbies?

• Am I spending time with people who uplift me?

• Am I taking care of my health?

• Do I have goals?

• Am I following my heart?

• Do I say uplifting things to myself?

• Do I understand myself and my feelings?

Here are some questions to ask yourself to get started that have helped me. What works for me may not work for you, but sharing my experience and strength is to help you open yourself to something you may not have experienced before, or maybe you have and don’t know why love doesn’t stay. I believe everyone has free will, too, so sometimes people aren’t ready to give up habits and behaviors that they are used to. Change can be very scary for some people. Change is not scary for me for many things, and I have found out stuff about myself that I am very afraid of changing.

That interaction I shared earlier, I was so grateful for it. It was showing me proof of how much I have changed. I am still me. I let go of a lot of people, places, and things that couldn’t be part of my story anymore. They were trying to keep me small. That is not my purpose. My purpose is to show as many people as possible what unconditional love feels like. I share my mind, heart, and soul through words and actions. You can too, if you choose.

When you are walking around in the wild, give a smile, hold the door open, help someone that is struggling carrying something. It starts with you. This is love.